I Got Things To Say

Christmas Reminds Of My Privileged Youth

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 00:53:00 +0000

A few excerpts from my upcoming book "Old Man Bob's Young Boy Days"

We were flat broke but nobody told us.

We played for free without ac or dc.

Food wasn't fancy but we ate aplenty.

Came home to a house where family was waiting.

We shared what we had without reservation.

Not far to go and we got there by walking.

Friends would come over if we weren't there.

We lent a hand and worked for a blessing.

Making a card was worth more than buying.

Government cheese because we all liked it.

There were no designers, no fashion or name brand.

Birthdays meant singing and neighbors would gather.

Saturday matinee double-feature for two of us with a box of Lemonheads each for one single dollar.

Burned flapjacks on Sunday prepared by my grandpa.

Our clothes were not new but the colors were awesome.

Big belly laughs from times unexpected.

Christmas had warmth before advertisements.

CéU

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:30:00 +0000

This Is What I Want ...

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:23:00 +0000

... if I come to visit and you have a dog.

Smiley

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Why is it if an animal shows it's teeth to us we take warning and back away, but when a human smiles and shows it's choppers we take comfort and feel at ease?

Perhaps we've got it all backwards.

Phlippin' Phillies Phun

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:44:00 +0000

There are few things on earth that are both as funny and annoying as drunk orators, songsters and negotiators!

Gloating Phillies Phans crack me up. Interviews after the game with the fans in the background making their important shouts, chants and songs of superiority never get old. I think being voted the city with the ugliest people contributes to the fun as we verify the accolades regularly! Win or lose it is a win-win! Keep those brilliant post game shows and local color coming!

Good times.

Fly Like An Eagle

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:06:00 +0000

Boo Foo Doo

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:08:00 +0000

When did gorillas start having such excellent doos? Big time jealous here!

Trials

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 08:37:00 +0000

If a dog rescues you in a time of turmoil, what has to transpire in order for you to give him away? I don't know why I get so conflicted by the decisions made by others, and I don't know how to continue tolerating the selfish and the stupid.

I wonder if there is a "punch in the belly" rental facility where you could pay to sock someone in the gut. HARD.

Fill 'Er Up

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:29:00 +0000

Went to Arby's for a roast beef, curly fries and drink.

Let's start off with my initial irritation to their pricing. 2 roast beef sandwiches cost $5 and some change. 5 roast beef sandwiches cost $6 and some change. I buy 5 roast beef sandwiches and feed the rats, possums, parking lot, ants and myself. Don't like the corporate pricing games, so I'll do what I can to stick it to "the man." Load me up, Buttercup.

The fries. French, curly, wedge, or mashed cake. Curly please. Nice to have options with a broad range to choose from. Well played RB.

Now for the real rub. Medium drink. That will never do, but try to explain that you want a larger soda without another 4 pounds of potatoes. I don't have the patience. Of course Mr. Comedy (me) says, "Fill 'er up, big guy!"

This time around they fill my cup so full that when they put the lid on, it creates some super vacuum seal that defies any man's normal sense. I place this liquid time bomb in my vehicle's cup holder next to the cut out in the console where I place my cell phone for the ride. I look at the lid, stab it with my straw, look at the road again, then look back down at the cup which has now turned into a fountain, spewing the contents of the cup with fireplug force 2 feet into the air, pooling directly onto my phone, filling the console with the bubbly, corrosive Pepsi that was intended for my guts. Half of the cup's volume went solely onto my phone. The other half remained in the explosive device. Nothing else was splashed. Not a drop was wasted where it could do no harm.

I'm off to the Verizon store today.

Oui!

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:18:00 +0000

For all of you Wii owners and users (I do not yet belong), I thought you might appreciate some of these images found on Switched in their gallery, "Wiimote Disasters (Wiinjuries?)."

Scroll down on the link and select the gallery on the right.

Saratoga Springs

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 07:30:00 +0000

These were a few things I saw this past weekend. To see more go to my Flickr account by clicking on the link in the right column.

Just Saw This - Had To Share

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:09:00 +0000

Thanks Roxiey!

Vick-tims Galore

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:18:00 +0000

Cruelty to animals is inexcusable. Claiming it is because of your culture or environment is ridiculous. Not knowing it is wrong is a lie.

Vick was charged with the crime, pleaded guilty and served his time. At least 18 months of his 23 month sentence.

The NFL has a personal conduct policy. Vick is in clear violation of that policy. Their rules, their business, all that sign the contract are in agreement and must abide, according to them.

I don't know Vick, I don't want to know Vick. I am in no position to judge or condemn him as so many do. I don't like what he did, I don't like how he behaves and I don't like what many have done, including myself.

I am appalled at the quickness the "christian community" points the finger, criticizes, curses, labels, expresses indignation and takes that holier than thou position complete with condemnation and damnation. We all were something before we came to Christ. We exist because of second chances and love and forgiveness and guidance. My opportunity to say; unfortunately in our environment, claiming to be a Christian is not the same as being Christ-like.

I don't want to hear a word out of "animal rights activists" calling for Vick's head, permanent suspensions or harsher sentences, looking to banish him completely from his career and community while they stink of burgers and chicken piccante on their breath.

If you no longer wish to follow the Eagles Football Team or the NFL because of this despicable man, that certainly is your prerogative. Do keep in mind that you should also boycott Disney for their unscrupulous business practices, any religion with a fallen leader, any lying public official, all corporations based on profit, every major sports league, entertainment venue or organization that is operated by humans. We have all had our selfish motivations and agendas without regard for others. We have all been despicable at one time or another.

I have no say over what Vick does, what the NFL does, and very little over what our judicial system does, what is important is what I do.

I do not regard any celebrity or sports figure as a role model. I do not base my conduct on trend or popular consensus. I suggest we all attend to our own affairs before taking on the challenges of others. And if you do decide to go to Lincoln Field to see an Eagles game, you might want to leave your dog at home, blindfold your kids and be prepared to defend your position to any drunk with an opinion.

Am I Not Merciful?

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:45:00 +0000

I see nothing wrong with buying a cape and a mesh top and wearing it home. I wish I lived in a land where capes were the norm and could easily be purchased over the counter. I would like to try a few on before purchasing - the return process has always annoyed me.

I greatly anticipate the documentary.

I Guess It Just Is

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 08:14:00 +0000

I've been trying to figure out why the sound of bongos makes it seem that you are running faster? I may need help on this one.

Comedic Truth

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 07:16:00 +0000

Comedy is so personal and powerful and real that it penetrates and sometimes illuminates a truth. Sarah Silverman hides much behind a mask of vulgarity and absurdity and deliberate misdirection, but large truths are contained in her thoughts and delivered in her words, songs and displays if you are open enough to recognize.

Her recent comment on Twitter exposes what I consider a major flaw in parenting and hopefully a wake-up call to everyone.

"Saw a woman sitting with her toddler on the subway & she was wearing an ipod. Your mommy can't hear you little boy!"
9:49 PM Jul 24th from web

Hammer Pants & A Pooch

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:51:00 +0000

Media Manipulation

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:46:00 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Perception is seldom true when agenda surfaces. Who benefits from the misdirections? Tolerance is neglect.

Tickets To A Funeral. What?

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 07:45:00 +0000

Where were all of the celebrity kudos for MJ, and sweet memories and lovely stories and praises and adoring friends and family when he was alive and needed the support? Where were they during his trials, his mismanagement, poor choices, wrong directions, desperate cries and probable indiscretions?

Not many things worse than a cowardice friend that disappears and takes cover when times are tough, except for those that magically pop up smiling when it's all done. I despise shallow, phony, self-promoting, self-servicing, weak, spineless leeches. Too late to step up now, losers.

You can't change or correct death. Best to stay in the shadows, but no, profit can be made, another chance to shine the spotlight on yourself, another chance to attach to the coat tails of a fallen buddy. Shame on Hollywood as usual. Where there's a stage, actors pretend. Ticket please. No thanks.

My Wardrobe ...

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:40:00 +0000

... is really starting to take shape. So vogue!

Just Bought Some T-Shirts

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:07:00 +0000

Pick yours out at NoiseBot.

Sir Winston Churchill

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:16:00 +0000

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Another Fight

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:11:00 +0000

I have fought many battles in my life. Battles over power, authority, justice, just deserves and just deserts. Many of these battles I have lost, some considered a draw, with a smattering of wins sprinkled around.

When engaged in a physical battle, I win more often than not, and have never lost to a man. My only physical defeats have been delivered by the brutal onslaughts of the animal kingdom and insect world.

To name a few; hamster and horse bites with a few cat scratches, goose nibbles and swollen, teary eyes from allergies to pet hair and dander. A pet store snake bite, a neighbor's bird peck and a raccoon rumble rustled my feathers one night. Poo and pee flung freely by apes and monkeys, something orange and black directed humiliating masturbatory motions in my direction and the regular gull dumpings and plops from above. I have been a mosquito feast, the fairgrounds for a flea circus, and my belly and chest a magnet to a swarm of summertime stings. I've suffered over a year from a nasty spider chomping in the badlands of Plaquemine's Parish and countless mysterious itchings. I mention this history of trouncing only as a lead into my most recent battle, in my own home, just yesterday afternoon.

I performed a slippery samba with flailing frantic arms, alternating leg lifts and swats of fury in order to protect my naked self in the shower as an elusive, alarming, winged striped foe began its attack. I, being in a most compromising position in a confined area, had to once again protect my bits from nature itself. Thanks to a Speakman Hand Held Shower Head (in my opinion the finest in the world), I was able to drive the bee out of the air, force him against a wall, and eventually wash him to his sudsy, watery death.

How the intruder gained entrance is a mystery. The purpose of its visit has yet to be determined. Where the drain directed this "Zest"fully cleaned beast is unknown. The lessons learned from this tale are certain. Balance is key, a strong stream is essential, and be careful when you come upon a naked fat guy in the shower.

I consider this encounter, an unprovoked and unwelcome conflict, to be a personal victory and perhaps a new tide of positive conclusions to life events has begun! Cue music. Champion strut initiated.

Sneaky Butt Beyonce

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Beyonce may have stolen Crystal away from our Mariachi band, but SHE CANNOT HAVE BRIAN TOO! Stay strong big "G" and keep your trumpet hidden! I don't want to see you on the local news like this:

Daytime Sleeper

noreply@blogger.com (RJK) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:11:00 +0000

I used to believe I was smart enough to work things out.

If I ran out of money, I'd always get more. Things are only things. There are no rights but there are courtesies. Something bad, kick it. Something good, embrace it. Always regard others before self. Be nice to strangers. Don't be preachy and don't be weak. If you like it, love it. If you love it, live it. If you live it, love living. If I can read it I can do it. If I don't know it I can find out. Sit with your back against a wall, face the door and give it room to open or close, be quiet and observe, eat before you're hungry, drink before you're thirsty and sleep when you're tired.

Turns out this is the easy stuff, I am not as smart as I had hoped and I really have more things to learn than to say.