Sir Winston Churchill

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Another Fight

I have fought many battles in my life. Battles over power, authority, justice, just deserves and just deserts. Many of these battles I have lost, some considered a draw, with a smattering of wins sprinkled around.

When engaged in a physical battle, I win more often than not, and have never lost to a man. My only physical defeats have been delivered by the brutal onslaughts of the animal kingdom and insect world.

To name a few; hamster and horse bites with a few cat scratches, goose nibbles and swollen, teary eyes from allergies to pet hair and dander. A pet store snake bite, a neighbor's bird peck and a raccoon rumble rustled my feathers one night. Poo and pee flung freely by apes and monkeys, something orange and black directed humiliating masturbatory motions in my direction and the regular gull dumpings and plops from above. I have been a mosquito feast, the fairgrounds for a flea circus, and my belly and chest a magnet to a swarm of summertime stings. I've suffered over a year from a nasty spider chomping in the badlands of Plaquemine's Parish and countless mysterious itchings. I mention this history of trouncing only as a lead into my most recent battle, in my own home, just yesterday afternoon.

I performed a slippery samba with flailing frantic arms, alternating leg lifts and swats of fury in order to protect my naked self in the shower as an elusive, alarming, winged striped foe began its attack. I, being in a most compromising position in a confined area, had to once again protect my bits from nature itself. Thanks to a Speakman Hand Held Shower Head (in my opinion the finest in the world), I was able to drive the bee out of the air, force him against a wall, and eventually wash him to his sudsy, watery death.

How the intruder gained entrance is a mystery. The purpose of its visit has yet to be determined. Where the drain directed this "Zest"fully cleaned beast is unknown. The lessons learned from this tale are certain. Balance is key, a strong stream is essential, and be careful when you come upon a naked fat guy in the shower.

I consider this encounter, an unprovoked and unwelcome conflict, to be a personal victory and perhaps a new tide of positive conclusions to life events has begun! Cue music. Champion strut initiated.

Sneaky Butt Beyonce

Beyonce may have stolen Crystal away from our Mariachi band, but SHE CANNOT HAVE BRIAN TOO! Stay strong big "G" and keep your trumpet hidden! I don't want to see you on the local news like this:

Daytime Sleeper

I used to believe I was smart enough to work things out.

If I ran out of money, I'd always get more. Things are only things. There are no rights but there are courtesies. Something bad, kick it. Something good, embrace it. Always regard others before self. Be nice to strangers. Don't be preachy and don't be weak. If you like it, love it. If you love it, live it. If you live it, love living. If I can read it I can do it. If I don't know it I can find out. Sit with your back against a wall, face the door and give it room to open or close, be quiet and observe, eat before you're hungry, drink before you're thirsty and sleep when you're tired.

Turns out this is the easy stuff, I am not as smart as I had hoped and I really have more things to learn than to say.