2nd Black Friday
How ridiculous is that? I went to the mall anyway against every piece of screaming brain I had laying around the hotel. Not much else to do in Houston so my body decided to go without any intelligence.
It was close to forty people per square yard, not stacked, but bunched, all moving at a gum chewing fast food cashier's pace. Torturous. My teeth were growing faster than the march of the penguins of which I was immersed. The mall was a mistake.
I busted out.
On my way back to the hotel, hoofing at a more intense gait, a guy in the parking lot begins to call for me. I did not recognize him, but he was sure it was me.
"Hey! Where ya going? 'Member me? Hold up, hold up. We did time together! 'Member? It's me, Mike! We did time!"
I just left several acres of lunatics and now this guy wants to reminisce about our time in the slammer during better days. I give my regular response, "Nope."
That was not enough for Mikey. He is now going to convince me that I am his long lost major amigo. I apparently made an impression on him and was about to be the recipient of some man love long overdue. He is now catching up to me because his purpose is rising. Now he is calling out my name. "Philip! Philip!"
I went with my instincts fashioned from every prison comedy movie I've seen. Act crazy and the crazies will leave you alone. I come to a quick, abrupt stop, spin around and move aggressively towards Mike yelling, "Philip? You think I'm Philip? I just put Philip in the hospital. YOU A FRIEND OF HIS?!! HE OWES ME MONEY!" I give him the Dangerfield eyes and do the Terminator 2 run after the car routine with karate chop hands.
He reacted better than I could have hoped for by screaming it was a mix-up, a mistake, and tossed in a couple of sorrys as he ran away much faster than I could ever have moved.
Maybe I'll go to the mall tomorrow.
It was close to forty people per square yard, not stacked, but bunched, all moving at a gum chewing fast food cashier's pace. Torturous. My teeth were growing faster than the march of the penguins of which I was immersed. The mall was a mistake.
I busted out.
On my way back to the hotel, hoofing at a more intense gait, a guy in the parking lot begins to call for me. I did not recognize him, but he was sure it was me.
"Hey! Where ya going? 'Member me? Hold up, hold up. We did time together! 'Member? It's me, Mike! We did time!"
I just left several acres of lunatics and now this guy wants to reminisce about our time in the slammer during better days. I give my regular response, "Nope."
That was not enough for Mikey. He is now going to convince me that I am his long lost major amigo. I apparently made an impression on him and was about to be the recipient of some man love long overdue. He is now catching up to me because his purpose is rising. Now he is calling out my name. "Philip! Philip!"
I went with my instincts fashioned from every prison comedy movie I've seen. Act crazy and the crazies will leave you alone. I come to a quick, abrupt stop, spin around and move aggressively towards Mike yelling, "Philip? You think I'm Philip? I just put Philip in the hospital. YOU A FRIEND OF HIS?!! HE OWES ME MONEY!" I give him the Dangerfield eyes and do the Terminator 2 run after the car routine with karate chop hands.
He reacted better than I could have hoped for by screaming it was a mix-up, a mistake, and tossed in a couple of sorrys as he ran away much faster than I could ever have moved.
Maybe I'll go to the mall tomorrow.
posted by RJK at
3:33 AM
2 Comments:
You big bully!!!
See! It's stories like this that make me thankful we're friends. That was hil-AR-I-ous! You could make mall taunting into some kind of sport. And, since you change locations often, you'd never get caught. Genius!
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