Mystery Drawer
I have a four drawer filing cabinet next to my desk. It is a tall set of drawers, one drawer stacked above another, four drawers high. I know the floor is slanted. The high end of the floor is at the back of the four drawer filing cabinet. The low end of the floor is at the front of the four drawer filing cabinet. Because of the tilt of the floor, the four drawer filing cabinet leans forward. The top part of the four drawer filing cabinet leans forward the most making the four drawer filing cabinet appear to be toppling over in the direction that the four drawers would open.
That said, the science and physics involved with gravity and leverage and leaning and geometry and such would dictate to me that if any of the drawers were to slide open because of the angle the four drawer filing cabinet is sitting, the top drawer, having the most extreme tilt, would be the drawer to slide open.
No.
In this house the bottom drawer of the four drawer filing cabinet is the one that opens. I close it, look at it, turn away, look back again and nothing. If I leave the room or get involved with something else, the bottom drawer opens. I close it again. I press on it hard making sure it is closed all of the way much like positioning billiard balls on a table making certain nothing rolls or moves when I lift the rack. I gracefully and carefully remove my mitts from the drawer with the same mechanics, making certain that the drawer does not move or shift. I am watching it the entire time. It is closed firmly and completely.
All of the REAL Stooges are dead. There are no hidden cameras and Ashton doesn't know me or where I live in order to "punk" me. There is nothing alive in the drawers or behind them. I do not live in the amazing "Mystery Hole" of West Virginia. Items do not roll uphill unassisted here. There are no strings attached and no false bottoms. All of the other drawers have been cooperating and functioning as usual in an expected, uneventful, normal fashion. I am the prankster here and I am on hiatus.
Currently I am looking at the bottom drawer of the four drawer filing cabinet wide open as though I have been rooting through it trying to get something from the very back. Did I mention that this behavior of the drawer began yesterday? Could it be global warming? Am I living inside of a cuckoo clock? Could this be Obama's first major test of his presidency?
That said, the science and physics involved with gravity and leverage and leaning and geometry and such would dictate to me that if any of the drawers were to slide open because of the angle the four drawer filing cabinet is sitting, the top drawer, having the most extreme tilt, would be the drawer to slide open.
No.
In this house the bottom drawer of the four drawer filing cabinet is the one that opens. I close it, look at it, turn away, look back again and nothing. If I leave the room or get involved with something else, the bottom drawer opens. I close it again. I press on it hard making sure it is closed all of the way much like positioning billiard balls on a table making certain nothing rolls or moves when I lift the rack. I gracefully and carefully remove my mitts from the drawer with the same mechanics, making certain that the drawer does not move or shift. I am watching it the entire time. It is closed firmly and completely.
All of the REAL Stooges are dead. There are no hidden cameras and Ashton doesn't know me or where I live in order to "punk" me. There is nothing alive in the drawers or behind them. I do not live in the amazing "Mystery Hole" of West Virginia. Items do not roll uphill unassisted here. There are no strings attached and no false bottoms. All of the other drawers have been cooperating and functioning as usual in an expected, uneventful, normal fashion. I am the prankster here and I am on hiatus.
Currently I am looking at the bottom drawer of the four drawer filing cabinet wide open as though I have been rooting through it trying to get something from the very back. Did I mention that this behavior of the drawer began yesterday? Could it be global warming? Am I living inside of a cuckoo clock? Could this be Obama's first major test of his presidency?
posted by RJK at
4:18 AM
2 Comments:
If you are 'hoping' that Barack will 'change' the drawer I can only assume that the file cabinet is left of center....really left.
Bob,
Assuming the filing cabinet is a standard, vertical type of cabinet without any funky curves from the 1980’s, the tilt on the bottom drawer would be the same as he tilt on the top drawer. The top drawer is not at a greater angle than the bottom drawer. True, it is further away from the wall, but not at a greater angle.
Anyway, given that the bottom drawer is the only one de-drawering itself, I would :
· Find a stout rock to put in front of said drawer and call it a day.
· Shove some meaningless magazine under the front edge of the filing cabinet, therefore counter acting the floor’s natural tilt
· Turn the filing cabinet towards the wall so all the drawers slant backward – there should no mystery drawer movement at that point
· Ask my now deceased grandmother to come over with her trusty can of red paint so she could slather on a .25” of gloss to permanently seal all the drawers shut – just like all her windows.
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