I'll Never Forget The Look In His Eye!

I'm hesitant to say so, but I can't shake the thought.

Sleeping the other night, I was deep in a dream. Driving down a highway I am forced to stop by two ducks that were on the road ahead. I think someone was with me, I don't know who, but they were not very helpful. I get out of the car and approach the mallard. I raise my hands, arms outstretched, then leaned my head forward and asked, "What's the deal?"

Of course there was no spoken answer, but the drake responded by staring at me with those black eyes and a smirk. I made a quick darting motion as if I was going to charge at him, but the duck did not flinch. He stood perfectly still, not stunned, but defiant in a mocking way.

Stupid duck.

Now we go at it. I'm bobbing and weaving and jabbing away and he's giving me the wiggle neck with flapping and quacking. I throw a hook that ended up being two feet higher than his head and he snorted with laughter. He was a lot shorter than I calculated and flippant to boot! I think he spit at me. I toss a kick his way but he easily sidesteps it. What have I got myself into? I throw a few shots that get some feathers flying. I tell him, "I'm having Drake's cakes tonight!"

Just when I think I'm starting to hold my own the little bugger leaps up and bites me. My hand is stuck between his bill and I can't get loose. What a grip this bird has got! I'm thrashing my arm violently and flicking out of control to try to release my hand from his mouth. He's not letting go. I have a duck on my hand, I can't get free, and now he gives me a crazy victory look that seals the deal with a deafening squawk. I ended up walking around the ducks and left my car behind, choosing to walk in shame. I thought you were supposed to win stuff and be a hero in your dreams.

No wonder I'm depressed.

Lesson Learned In Illinois

                                 Quick is NOT always good
                                                AND
                                 Loose Meat = Loose Stool

Travel Log Wisconsin

Folks in Wisconsin like their trucks Peterbilt, their silos in multiples, and they like the peace stylings of Desmond Tutu (billboards of him are all over the place).

If you're looking to run over deer, come here. I've seen no less than a dozen laying on the road no matter what road I take.

If the sign says open 24 hours, get there early because they close at 9.

I can't tell if there is an evident accent because corn speaks seldom.

The gas station will call Pizza Hut and have mini pies delivered to you there.

All of the Targets and Wal-Marts are Super. No mediocrity here.

The Mississippi is chocolaty thick brown up here too. Wonka must be in Canada.

There are three distinct smells. Cow. Pig. Farmer.

The full moon took up two thirds of the sky. I should have suggested suspenders.

Bugs are the new carpeting for windshields.

Cheese curdles for a reason. I've seen bags of it.

Busy Week

Scranton, Pennsylvania, St. Louis, Missouri, Des Moines, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin and then Chicago, Illinois. I've met Congressmen, Governors and a lot of friends I haven't seen since Katrina in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. In addition to all of the traveling my days are 20-22 hours long, 7 days a week, no weekends off.

It's only Wednesday and I'm a little bit weary. I don't think my teeth are going to make it, but I don't mind the thought of watching a big LCD HD television in surround sound on my purple couch with fake choppers when this rash of work is done.

Found My Next House

West Virginia. This might be my new mansion on the hill. All that is missing is electricity, clean water, a pot to sit on and a DirecTV dish.


They will be my new neighbors. In West Virginia these guys are used as watch dogs. Someone comes by, they start quacking. Clever. Maybell, go git the gun.


This is the main highway to town. No traffic jams here!


Just call me a dreamer!

D.C. Last Thoughts

I saw something that appealed to me on many different levels. It was a little bit sad as well as funny, death defying, inspiring, entertaining, heart wrenching and one of those deals where you know you are not supposed to stare but you can't look away.

Near the White House there is a place where you can rent a fantastic transportation device called a Segway. I watched in awe as a guy suffering from Parkinson's disease was scooting around on one. I know, that's wrong, but the principle and mechanics of the machine are based on the individual's body motion to navigate it. I'm sorry, but that was some funny stuff.



The look of terror and delight on the guy's face tickled me. Made me wonder about the person that rented it to him. Mr. Jokey Joke, Mr. Equal Opportunity or Mr. Get Rich Quick Off Of Insurance Settlement?

D.C. Day 2

I went to the back of the joint so as not to embarrass Dubya, but they were working on the lawn ...


... so I parked around the front and went in like respectable folks do when they come to visit.


With all of the brilliant architecture here ...


... it makes you wonder about the construction of things today.




Even the light fixtures are extraordinary around some of these historic marvels, but I have to ask ...


... WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?

D.C. Day 1

I guess we're trying to trade our bums now. Good thing we have a department for that.


Steps to the Capitol.


No visitors allowed ... today.


What's with the palm trees? Somebody's been watching Scarface!


Dick Cheney was there. People wanted to have him arrested for war crimes.


Especially this guy.


Shiney.


All of the organizations have their own motorcycles. All Harley's, all white, and for some reason, they were all at the Marriott. Guess they heard I was here.