Yesterday's Comments

You know that's right! Werd!

Memorial Day

Holiday weekend is over. Flags were flying, wieners and dogs consumed, weather was great and the neighbors stayed on their side of the fence. Happy times.

Now that I've had a chance to sit in my own crapulence to reflect, only 2 issues come to mind.

Number one. Why is it so difficult to find an American flag made in America? Even the flags sold by The American Flag Company sport the "made in China" tag. Granted, the tag blends in and the type is small, but doesn't it strike anyone else a bit odd that we display our colors courtesy of the Chinese?

Number two. I don't find anything interesting or poignant about country or western music (yes, I've included BOTH types of music). Just because you smoke and drink and shoot and clap on the 2 and 4 beat with pointy boots and toothless women doesn't make you patriotic. Throwing firecrackers at your dog and whoopin' and hollerin' in a dialect as foreign to me as a Klingon lullaby doesn't give you a foothold on being an example of being American. If you only know three major chords on the guitar and adorn your balding head with a greasy truck logo baseball cap that smells like dirty feet while wearing a Nascar inspired tee, get off the porch, pick up your trash and don't bother telling me how great this country is. I already know. Go make your money off of someone else with your business motivated anthems of denero pride disguised as a national salute.

Having stated that, please allow me to express my gratitude to all of those true patriots who have served our country with their hearts and real sacrifice, preserving our freedom, defending our ideals and giving us a land where we can celebrate diversity and can also poo poo whatever we want because our opinions do not have to be what someone else tells us. Nice. I honor you. Thank you.

Here's Why I Have Trouble Writing

Top three headlines for today.

Deadly Tornadoes Rip Through Colorado

More than 51,000 Confirmed Dead in China Quake

Ellen DeGeneres Needles McCain on Gay Marriage

What? TV fodder is number 3? It might be time to go Boston Tea Party on the media. Dump the news that considers celebrity important. Don't buy from those that sponser this type of news and tell them why you won't buy their crap. TMZ rot in H E double hockey sticks. Brittany who? Lohan what? Cyrus *click* and Winehouse get outta my house.

If trouble is brewing and danger is on the way or decisions are being made that affect us, sure, let us know. If Paris Hilton strikes a pose - I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT. If you show it, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

Goodnight and good luck.

For The Record

I know there is a lot of attention given to our body's appearance in the public eye and many are quick to criticize and judge. Oh those boobs are fake, she's anorexic, what a horrible nose job, hmmm - cottage cheesy and so on. Not to give validity to such attacks nor any credibility to statements based on conjecture, I want to note for the record a few facts regarding yours truly.

I do not dye my hair. It is becoming clear naturally.

I did not have a belly augmentation. After many hard years of laborious eating and a specific non exercise routine, I have managed to hone the perfect globus projectus.

I do not have cellulite. I've been sitting on gravel and river stone.

I do not shave my legs. The hair could not compete with the awesomeness of my muscles.

And finally, in order to confuse the enemy, I have sculpted myself to appear as though I am coming when I am going and vice versa. No easy feat.

Enjoy the imagery.

Determined Note Taker

I have many ideas throughout everyday, circumstances and occurrences, all inspiring and noteworthy. I think, wow, that would be something to toss on the blog! Then when I get the opportunity to write, I can't remember a thing about any of my writing intentions. Topics, phrases, funny anecdotes, all gone.

I have determined that when such an idea or thought emerges in the future, whenever it happens, I will write it down for later consideration. Nothing new, I have always tried to record my brainy isms, but I get lazy.

Last night I had a good one! I remember laughing until tears rolled down my face from the funny. I knew it was a keeper and something I wanted to share so I grabbed a pen and pad and wrote down a brief, but all encompassing outline. I remember going to bed thinking how funny it was with a little belly chuckle every now and then.

So here I am, freshly awakened, Mountain Dewed up and in front of my laptop. I remember, oh yeah, my notes from last night! I go back upstairs to the bedroom to retrieve the note book and voila, no such thing. No pen. No pad. No notes. No idea.

My guess is that is was all a dream. I dreamed I had an idea and wrote it down to use later. I dreamed my own laughter at the idea. I then dreamed that I went to bed and dreamed of chuckles in my sleep, in my dream.

I'll have to check this later when I'm awake to see if I actually wrote this or dreamed about doing it and still sleeping while dreaming of being awake when awake or asleep.







By the way, this was not the idea. I am not laughing. I am sitting, stunned, and staring at the screen. The Mountain Dew is real.

Philly Po Po

You've got to be kidding me. Why is it that when Philly cops attack they suddenly turn into a marauding band of ballet toe tappers sans rhythm?

Let's start off with, why were so many of them chasing one car and how did they manage to catch up to the "suspects" while negotiating lap fulls of free donuts and coffee?

Secondly, this is the home of Smokin' Joe Frazier and Bernard Hopkins, the Blue Horizon, the Philadelphia Public School System, and if you live in a fantasy world - Rocky Balboa! We were voted the city with the ugliest people in America and We The People are generally annoyed. You'd think that somewhere along the line everyone here would have learned how to throw a punch. Especially the police.

Thirdly, isn't what sets the police apart from the rest of us a little something called training? Physical restraint techniques, the art of fisticuffs, weapons use, crowd control and media shielding? Their behavior makes it appear as though any aging overweight former River Dancer can put on a uniform and kick to their hearts content while humming Celtic whispers of Irish Spring days and Lucky Charms.

In conclusion, if you, as a police officer, wish to keep it old school Rizzo style, when you decide to beat a criminal down (and it is a conscious decision - there is no heat of the moment crap), do it quickly and out of the camera's view, do it so the criminal will remember the beating forever or not remember anything at all, and if the criminal is someone that just killed one of your own - there should be no reason to bring that cop murderer's carcass anywhere other than the Schuykill River for a permanent final cleansing.

As a side note I would like to commend Tariq El Shabazz, the managing director of Germantown Masjia, for denying the burial of cop killer Howard Cain at this neighborhood mosque. Read the story here.

Mudders Day

Thought I'd share a little video I'm working on for Sunday. Pass the cheese please and hand me that towel!