Haircut

I see some hat wearing in my immediate future. You never realize how big your ears are until you get a haircut.

FANTASTIC!!!

It was worth the 6 year wait. Non stop - start to finish - too much to comprehend at once.

This Is It!!!!

Thursday - midnight - Simpsons Movie. This is how I would prefer to watch it, but I believe it is worth the effort to put some pants on and venture out to the theater.

I could be wrong about the pants.

WaWa Wow

I like the WaWa. It is a convenience store extraodinaire. Fresh deli, hot foods, drinks, baked goods, snacks, hardware, carware, gas, you name it, it is more than likely available there. Also open 24 hours a day - very nice.

I went to the one closest to my house this morning and had to turn around and leave immediately. The stench inside was sickening. Not enough to deter my appetite, so I drive on to the next WaWa.

I grab a couple hot dogs (self serve), procede to get a pint of Ben & Jerry's Peach Cobbler Ice Cream based on Willie Nelson's down home happiness, a CherryCoke for me and a grape soda for the honey. Now I'm in line and begin to witness one of my dream sequences in real time actual life before my very eyes.

From behind the counter the deli clerk calls out for number 36. "Number 36! Is number 36 here?" Of course number 36 is in front of me in line and responds in a whisper, "I'm 36." The deli clerk does not hear him and continues yelling, "NUMBER 36." Number 36 is put out by this and angrily yells back, "HERE!"

Just like in Ferris Bueller. Nice.

The clerk gets an attitude now because number 36 has just yelled at her. How dare he? Meanwhile I wait in line as an angry exchange develops. "We don't got boloney, but we got ham."

"Well if I would have wanted ham, I would have asked for it."

"Sir, I'm just trying to help you."

"By giving me something I don't want? What's wrong with you, are you stupid?"

I'm smiling pretty big.

"Who you calling stupid you bald little (fill in your own blanks since every profanity was utilized)?" The clerk then tosses a classic sized long roll, already loaded up with lettuce, tomato and onion, minus meat, towards the counter trying to hit number 36. He then makes an utteral sound that would have scared the hair off the wolfman and charges the clerk, a very wide female clerk outweighing him by about 200 pounds. He slips on the stuffing from the roll and goes head first into the glass case, screams and splits his pants.

That was it for me. Instant hyena boy here.

A brawl breaks out amongst the all female work staff and number 36 with the split drawers. I can barely breathe or see through the tears of laughter in my eyes. Me and a bunch of "goth" kids were roaring uncontrollably enjoying the hilarity and now have a lifelong bond between us.

Did I mention I like the WaWa? Good times.

Countdown Is On!

Almost Here!

How Do We Get So Busy?

I haven't seen or heard from my buddy in about a year. I hope he's doing OK.

I Had No Idea

When I took this guy's photo in Florida I had no idea that months later I would look at this image and just marvel at the awe inspiring simplicity, the amazing construction and absolute genius that went into the creating and building of this turtle head.

What architect could design? What artist could generate? What dreamer could imagine?

Then when you think you might be out of awe, a bird head comes along. I am stunned by the wonder.

Leave A Message

My friend Joe was over this past weekend and we were watching a program on the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia. Lots of old timey surgical stuff, stories, stiffs and parts galore. Looking at all of the bodies and pieces in jars led us to the decision that right before we die we are gonna swallow a note to be found during our autopsy or cadaver carving.

We had a few ideas of what to write on the note, but I'm interested in YOUR IDEAS! Share them in the comment section! Let's see what you've got.

Here is a small sampling of our thoughts.

Hey! Put that back!
If you can read this note, thank a teacher.
Ahoy! Can you smell the Old Spice?
Dinner is in my other belly.
I was killed by Colon Kapow.
Does this fat make me look fat?
Nice job. Where were you when I needed you?
I don't know why I swallowed that fly, I guess I'll ...
Exit only.
I used to work out. Look at me now!
Have you checked out Uranus?

Stay Out Da Water!

Do you think I'm kidding? This is smart schoolin' for you lake dippin' look the other wayers. There's stuff in them waters that ain't none too friendly despite the smile on that fishy mug. It's summer now, I know you might be tempted, but if you don't want to end up in a cajun fish fry with zydeco music all around you, stay in the boat or on the shore!

I Like Corn

20 minutes

Yup. My urine had that funny smell only 20 minutes after eating a vegetable stir fry with asparagus in it. Magical.

Some days it takes about 20 minutes to sift through my e-mail deleting sales announcements, lucky letters that will kill me if I don't forward them to 10 people and cures for erectile dysfunction.

Before you slice a Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake you must let if thaw for 20 minutes.

The average amount of time I invest in writing this crap is about 20 minutes.

If a movie takes longer than 20 minutes to set up the premise, leave.

Talking on the phone for 20 minutes guarantees a grumpy me.

On average, it only takes about 20 minutes for a can of soda to cool in a refrigerator.

20 minutes under a hair dryer will make the tips of your ears glow.

When they tell you at Outback the wait for seating is 20 minutes, you will still be pacing, unseated 40 minutes later.

If you last 20 minutes on a train without a stranger touching you, you are not in Philadelphia.

You will not get what you ask for if it takes 20 minutes before the waiter/waitress takes your order.

Why is 20 minutes of exercise so much longer than 20 minutes of television viewing?

If a friend drives you to a party and says later on that they'll be back in 20 minutes, you should find another way home.

How does food from a Chinese restaurant stay hot for 20 minutes after you pick it up?

If you stare at a monkey for 20 minutes at the zoo and the monkey stares back the entire time, therapy is in your future.

If you can't get the answer to something in 20 minutes, you probably have dial up or you are still on the clock at work.

20 minutes in the sun will burn you, 20 minutes in the tub will prune you, 20 minutes in the wind will make you hair go sideways, 20 minutes upside down will bulge your eyes, 20 minutes in the fast lane will get you as far as a senior in an hour and a half, 20 minutes between feedings is a fat man's paradise and 20 minutes is all you need to enjoy an entire Three Stooges movie, an episode of The Simpsons commercial free or the latest coverage of celebrity hijinks on the half hour evening news.

Has it been 20 minutes yet?

My hair!

Sleep overnight and wake up woolly of head. Grab a quick nap and wake up woolly of head. Wash your hair and drive 40 feet with the windows open and become woolly of head. Motorcycle helmet? Forget about it! Woolly head, a natural phenomenon that only takes moments to strike.

You can spend years to a lifetime directing your hair which way to go, styling and combing and brushing and perming and gelling and cutting and blow drying and fussing of all sorts with the same results. Woolly head.

I don't know the scientific reason or the actual amount of time needed to alter whatever you've done intentionally, but it happens quick, and it happens regular, and it happens when you want it the least.

It may manifest itself differently depending on the shape of your head, the thickness of your hair and the thread count of your pillow case, but it is always evident and unavoidable. Age does not matter, although the younger you are the more cute it is and the older you are the less material you have to engage.

I have no remedy to suggest other than celebrate the moment. Be happy and revel in your hair's diversity. Don't hide it under a hat or plaster it up like a Devo headpiece, let your hair enjoy its moment of freedom and display it for the world to enjoy! At least take comfort in knowing that I will appreciate it and give you the nod of approval!