Young Warrior

This is some good stuff. Thanks "J" for sending it to me.

Novacaine

So I go to the dentist yesterday, Thursday afternoon, to have a broken tooth repaired. I do not like to go to the dentist. I went anyway despite my anxieties and have a seat in the waiting area. Because it is in the afternoon I am seated with old ladies that do not work. Although I do not work - I have not yet become an old lady.

In the office WMGK is playing the hits from yesteryear. My yesteryear, not theirs. I remember when these hits were new. Now I'm getting lost in the music of my youth - knowing every word to every song being played - tapping along with both feet, bobbing the head to the rhythm - having a good ole time trying to forget the impending gum stabbing and tooth drilling, then I notice ... her.

If she were to stand she would barely be waist high to me. She was flipping through a magazine that was larger than her lap full of cosmetic ads and smells with as many pages as her face appeared to have - deep chapters of a life well lived. Apparently she was grooving to the tunes much like me, except she was about 120 years old and did her head bobbing double time!

Pleased to have company enjoying the same sounds - I was compelled to make what I thought was a clever comment, being Mr. Friendly and all. "It's so nice not to dance alone. Come here often?"

In response to my comment she gives me the stink eye and says in a very agitated tone, "What?" Getting ready to repeat my light hearted banter I realize the music has stopped and her head is still going at it.

Boy was my face red. I didn't feel a thing the dentist did to me.

Git 'em, boy!

I saw this on another site today and I can't stop giggling about it. Maybe its appeal stems from remembering being in both positions and knowing the confidence in a futile predicament, the inventiveness of an unlikely solution and, who am I kidding? I'm half-a-hundred years old and I still have zits. I love this guy and his rubber band arms! All he needs is this amazing automatic can opener I bought at Sharper Image!

Reign Over Me

Manhattan, New York City, is the busiest place I have ever been. Traffic spans the streets in some areas 12 lanes wide with cars, buses, trucks, bikers, pedestrians, police, fire and rescue units, construction crews and city workers, vendors, visitors, limos and taxis. Twenty minutes after the towers fell - hustlers were peddling photos of the burning buildings to the masses, which for some was the first view they had of what just occurred, at $10 a piece. While we were covered in the dust and rubble of smashed concrete and pulverized lives these opportunists were performing the very thing the world hates us for. I hated it too. Apparently nothing is sacred.

We walked in herds, silently, steadily away from the site with empty souls, stunned minds and broken hearts. Phone service was out, transportation in and out of the city was suspended, and we all fumbled for home, not knowing what to expect, whether it was across the river, across town or across the country.

Hotel rooms filled up immediately with stranded travelers and hotel lobbies swelled with those wanting rooms no longer available. Few restaurants remained open while the city disappeared. Someone in the kitchen at T.G.I. Friday’s dropped a tray and a hundred patrons gasped and prepared to take flight again. CNN became our family. We shared the day together and much of that week.

When evening eventually arrived, all you could hear on the vacant streets was the clicking of the traffic signals changing colors and the occasional fighter planes streaking through the night overhead. I still hear the silence as loud as a scream. I may never fully recover, but I will continue forward, always looking behind me.

I write about this experience now because these hauntings have been stirred again by yet another movie that has emerged regarding that tumultuous event. Adam Sandler is brilliant as well as Don Cheadle while Mike Binder continues to amaze me with his writing skills and project choices. If you have suffered loss or exist suffocated, you will recognise these characters and find familiarity in Reign Over Me. By the way, Jada is stunning and Donald Sutherland commands your eye with his brief but powerful presence.

More Miami

Spice of Life

I am like a mad scientist of invention today. Quite simply I started the day with a scrambling of eggs and a huge dose of home fried potatoes with peppers and onions (without the peppers). Of course a slab of butter was necessary to incorporate in the mix, and then came the spices. I used both! Salt AND pepper.

Accidentally, the peppering of the food was enthusiastic to say the least, but there was no turning back. Eating the spuds created an instant sting on my lips. It was as if I were slapped repeatedly on the same lip until it was pliable enough to shape into funny balloon animals, that's right, plural! With my new found lip girth I was compelled to sing a rousing chorus of Bibbety-Boppity-Boo while throwing my legs up in a series of kicks with the the hopes of generating enough wind to sooth the swelling heat. The discovery - excessive heat = swelling!

So for those of you looking to augment those thin lips into something special, forget the collagen, forget the botox and plastic, leave the doctor behind and the silicone on the shelf. Add a substantial amount of pepper to your meals (considerably less expensive, and much easier to apply), then pucker up buttercup, you'll look swell!

A Miami Moment

This guy saw I had a camera and went out of his way to get close to me, then struck a pose. If only every subject of my portraits would be so cooperative!

Clamorous

I do not eat clams. Never will. I have no desire or intention of eating clams. I see a clam - I won't eat it. Don't want it. You can disguise it, you might sneak it into something, I might eat it by deceitful conniving smarty pants cook practices, but I won't be happy. You can dress it up, talk it up, serve it up. If I eat it up I will throw it up. You may call it many things; palourde, muschel, almeja, molusco, tweekleppig schelpdier, klemme, hard shell, soft shell and giant, but don't call it edible. It will not be eaten by me.

Luck Of The Irish

I don't fully understand why, but tradition dictates on St. Patrick's Day, if someone is NOT wearing green - you can pinch them. May I suggest that it is also ok to slap guys like this?

WOMENS

How is your women's history month going?

A friend of mine has to do a report on 10 women in history for his elementary school project. He went to the internet and typed women in history in the google search engine and chose the first 10 names that appeared. I didn't care too much for the choices or in the way the choices were made, but hey, it's not my report. I gradgeeated. But it did send me into the back of my head to think about what some of my choices might have been.

"DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU" - Eleanor Roosevelt. When her husband, Franklin D. Roosevelt died in office in 1945, Eleanor Roosevelt's role as first lady was over, but her career was not. She became a delegate to the United Nations General Assembly, specializing in humanitarian, social, and cultural issues. In 1948, she drafted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which affirmed life, liberty, and equality internationally for all people regardless of race, creed or color.

Bette Nesmith Graham - invented Liquid Paper in her kitchen; sold her company to Gillette Corp. for $47.5 million; created 2 foundations to help women find new ways to make a living.

"SPEAK YOUR MIND EVEN IF YOUR VOICE SHAKES" - Maggie Kuhn. She is most famous for founding the Gray Panthers movement in 1971 after being forced into retirement by the Presbyterian Church. The Gray Panthers became known for advocating nursing home reform and fighting ageism, claiming that "old people constitute America's biggest untapped and undervalued human energy source."

"WELL BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY" - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. She is a pre-eminent historian of early America and the history of women. Ulrich's innovative and widely influential approach to history has been described as a tribute to "the silent work of ordinary people" - an approach that, in her words, aims to "show the interconnection between public events and private experience."

Victoria Woodhull - On April 2, 1870, Victoria announced in the New York Herald her plans to run for president of the United States - the first woman to do so. It would be 50 years before women could vote, but there was no law preventing women from running for office. Her platform was of social and political reform. She was most dedicated to free love but, as she learned more about how few rights women had, she also made voting rights her mission as well.

On January 11, 1871, Victoria appeared before the House Judiciary Committee - the first woman ever - to deliver a memorial (a speech personally presented by a citizen before Congress, to persuade it to enact a law) on women suffrage. Victoria stated that women already had the right to vote, since the 14th and 15th amendments granted the right to all citizens. She argued that all women had to do was use their right.

Blue Dog & Happy Horse

TV Sez ...

... now that I have graying hair, you may no longer see me as I am. You may not see me at all. You will not know who I am until I dye those sparse locks back to a similar color from my ancient past. Not just any dye. MAN dye! Big difference! Girlie dye couldn't work ... wouldn't work ... shouldn't work. I am too much man and my man hair would know the difference.

Manly thanks to the good folks at Just For Men for clueing me in on this important revelation. It quite simply may have saved my life. Since my entire identity has always been heavily based on the color of my hair, my very existence could have ceased during this time of change. I could have been lost even to myself, not being able to recognize the geezer staring back at me in my daily regiment of time in the mirror.

When life gets complicated and difficult it's always a comfort to know that complete strangers, through their marketing efforts of a product they tender for sale, can offer solutions you somehow have overlooked or otherwise were incapable of comprehending on your own.

God bless!!!

Crisis Carry

If you were at home and a crisis arose where your self, house and possessions were in imminent danger, what do you grab to take with you in the very slim amount of time you have to flee? I'm talking about a mud slide coming down your block. A fire, a hurricane or tornado whipping through your existence.

I can think of only three things. Everything, nothing and something.

It's the something that is the difficult choice. It involves conscience decisions that place worth of some belongings above others. And if in fact you have such an hierarchy of value, why is it necessary to keep the crap not making the list, the crap that crowds your living space unnecessarily? We should be able to lighten that load, to let go and live more simply. I'm looking around my bedroom right now knowing it would take several pages to inventory the items here, at least 14 enormous loads to move and about an hour to accomplish that feat.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs addresses physiological and psychological needs, where property is listed in the second tier out of 5, alongside of security of body, of employment, of resources, of morality, of the family and of health. I'm guessing that makes stuff somewhat important. The number one most important tier is comprised of breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis and excretion. (I knew about the other stuff before but never really considered excretion so high and mighty. I guess I take for granted the lavish satisfaction and relief one feels when one completes a successful deposit.)



I have sentimental treasures worth little to others. I have expensive tools and equipment necessary to do my jobs. Paperwork and documents, clothing and cash, bullets and bobbles, instruments and implements, finished projects and works in progress. What do I take? Laptops, hard drives, guns, camera, turtles, blue dog and happy horse, cell and wallet.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Consider This

Next time you are unhappy with your living arrangements think of this young man in Louisiana sitting where his house used to be before the storm smashed it to bits, destroying everything in it, for no reason at all.

Jonathan or Donald?

I've been thinking alot about the seagull.

I don't know anything regarding their habits, idiosyncrasies or general make-up. I have always been led to believe that they are a bird (gull) and that they live near the ocean (sea), (thus seagull). I know they blow up if you feed them Alka-Seltzer (or so I've been told) and will eat anything you throw in the air in front of them. (I'm feeling parenthetic today.) Granted, I've been given bad information in the past (I have seen them at the shore on the beach and boardwalks), but what is the deal with these chickens of the sea at the mall ... in Pennsylvania?

Have I turned into Jethro Bodine overnight? Am I related to Jessica Simpson?

I reside INLAND Pennsylvania. We do not have sea, but we do have gulls. What am I missing here? I've seen them in Philadelphia, ALSO known for NOT having a sea. I've seen them at several area malls and parking lots where there is no sea. I've seen them at Willow Grove Naval Air Station, no sea. (Why would a Naval Base be located where there is no body of water? Government. Why would a SEAgull be seen where there is no body of water? I DON'T KNOW!)

I guess in consideration of the seagull and all of its conundrums, they are just a flat bill away from being a duck. We have plenty of ducks in PA! Ducks are very likeable! Not that I don't like seagulls, it's just that a duck has never crapped on me from above or tried to steal my french fries.

As long as the mystery continues I suppose I have cause to wonder.

And I'm spent ...

Kip, Kip, Hooray!

Baton Rouge is the uglier sister of New Orleans in the sense that it is old, unkempt and without the notoriety and appeal attributed to Nahlins.

Baton Rouge is the capitol city of Louisiana and plays host to Louisiana State University and all of the sports revenue they generate, which is CONSIDERABLE since the stadiums are located right in town! You cannot go anywhere without the purple and yellow in your face for sale. I'm not even sure anyone actually attends LSU, but it is a source of pride amongst the locals and wannabe edjumakateds.

Being located just 70 miles north of the broken levee ravaged mecca of debauchery, "Red Stick" has also greatly benefited by a surge in population consisting of evacuees, disaster relief personnel and looky lou gawkers from the entertainment industry, world political scene, and religious profiteer front. FEMA set up camp there with all of their THOUSANDS of workers. The Red Cross located itself there as well also adding thousands of volunteers to the mix.

Every hotel was booked, every rental car was leased, every restaurant was filled, every flight in and out was to capacity, every casino flourished. Hotels that were getting $69 a night for a room prior to Katrina were now commanding $269 and up for one night. Renting an automobile was now between $49 and $109 per day. Prices of gasoline (in a fuel producing state) ranked up there with the nation's highest. I like to refer to this phenomenon as price gouging.

That brings me to the photo displayed at the top of this post. Baton Rouge Mayor Kip Holden explaining on one hand the tremendous growth the city has seen since the hurricanes hit Louisiana, and on the other hand how broke they were and needed relief money like their more popular sibling, New Orleans.

Instead of halting unscrupulous business practices and putting an end to the gouging, as Mayor, Kip decided to join in on the profiteering and get whatever he could while the government wallet was wide open. Instead of setting himself apart from the crowd of cronyism and carpetbaggers and armed hostage-holding thieves, he chose the Mayor Nagin way, me-me-me, gimme-gimme-gimme.

One example. Because of the population surge, traffic congestion also surged. Kip's solution ... give me $125 million. Never a detailed plan with a specific course of action, but the price tag certainly was created and demanded. The remedy would be timing the traffic signals to AID the flow and having licensed drivers take some sort of driving test AND PASSING IT before setting them loose to wreak havoc on the roads.

I suppose if you are going to abandon integrity because it is too difficult to employ and universally viewed as foreign in your state, and if you can't please all of the people you might as well please at least yourself, you should also fashion yourself after a winner ... like Ray Nagin.

Holden, Nagin, Blanco, Junior, doesn't much matter. It's always been done like this. This is the south. You don't understand. It's Louisiana and any other way just wouldn't do.

Do I Need A Doctor?

Why does purple make dukey green?

Showtime

Sitting in the movie theater Friday afternoon catching a senior citizen early bird special (even though I do not qualify) I begin to survey the crowd I'm sitting with.

Maybe it's a throw-back from my security days or maybe I'm just smart, but I always size up the crowd I'm in and make myself aware of any potential threats or unpleasent situations. For example, don't sit near senior citizens that cannot hear. They ask questions all through the showing, and ask questions loudly! If there is a baby in the room, change theaters. It's funny how loud noises wake them up and make them scream and cry for the remainder of the movie. If someone is sitting with a large empty popcorn box in their lap and the movie hasn't started, change rows or protect your genitals.

This day would be a little different as I sat waiting for the movie ZODIAC to begin. The difference this time was while I made my observations of the folks around me, I also included myself. Judging by appearence alone I evaluated and considered everyone there, as well as myself, a possible threat for the first time.

The room was filled with white middle aged men, stocky built, not too short, not too tall, dark colored-light weight-hip length jackets, nike shoes, all sitting by themselves, all very average looking, all blend into the crowd without distinguishing characteristics. If I had to describe any of their faces to a sketch artist, it would be a round blank. Every one of them a possible serial killer by every description we've all heard before on the news. I was one of them. We all could have been the Zodiac killer. Maybe one of them was. We all were old enough to have lived through that time period, we were all in the room together to watch the story we already knew, and we were all here on opening day with the choice between comedy-WILD HOGS, or killing-ZODIAC since both movies started at 11:40.

I waited until the theater was empty and the lights came on before I left so as not to be included in any further profiling of possible serial killers, or fat guys with no date and no job to go to on a weekday afternoon.

Flushed

I've been working on a bathroom project since just before Thanksgiving and I'm finally to the point where it is functional again. I ripped out all of the walls, the ceiling, woodwork and floor. I replaced all of the insulation and added where there was none. I updated the electricity, rewired and put in 2 new light fixtures and a GFCI outlet. Toilet, sink and vanity were all trashed as well as any other peripherals such as the mirror, paper holder, towel ring and blah blah blah.

Most everything has been done and I am probably a solid half day away from completion.

As I was unpacking the new toilet and preparing to assemble and install, I heard a rattling inside the bowl part. Having gorilla hands, I could not reach in to remove the loose item. I also could not see through either end of the poop shoot, so I don't even know what is caught in there. Having shaken many guitar picks free from the sound hole in my guitar, I decided to take that route with the bowl. Overhead with the shake rattle and roll of the new uninstalled ceramic bowl (big boy handicapped accessible size) and a few jolting jerks later, out pops the funny!

Apparently the boys at the Kohler manufacturing plant were having a good ole time and decided to insert a new wrapped Playtex Gentle Glide Soft Pearlescent Applicator Tampon in the throat of the crapper. This is the first time I've personally handled one of these babies so I have no idea what it's monetary worth is, but I do know if one is in need, I now have one and it instantly becomes priceless! So there Kohler, the last laugh is on YOU!

Special Delivery

The National Guard moved in immediately following Hurricane Rita, the nasty sister to Katrina, seldom heard about, but equally as crippling in Louisiana. Electricity was out for at least 3 weeks in the southwest part of the state. Businesses were boarded up and closed, residents evacuated and properties were completely destroyed. Fuel was unavailable and food could not be purchased.

Quite impressively, through all of those hardships and debilitating circumstances, Dominoes still delivered. Not always a first choice of pizza, but they were a welcomed sight in a horrific time of yet another disaster.

The good folks at Dominoes also provided the pizzas and drinks at no cost to us. They did not use this act of generosity as a marketing vehicle or publicity stunt or self promotion, but quietly contributed to their community that was in need, showing appreciation to the men and women that stepped up to give assistance to their home town when their home town was shut down. I have never seen public recognition or thanks for this kind act so let me shout it out. THANK YOU DOMINOES! It meant a great deal to us all.