Pluckin' Mummers

A new year rapidly approaches. One of the joys in my Philly past has been grabbing plumes from strolling minstrels on New Years Day as they paraded by in a drunken stupor playing banjos and saxophones together in disturbing, ear-piercing harmony. The costumes and make-up were enough to scare anyone away from Bowie in the Ziggy Stardust years, Lucille Ball and now Broad Street where the Mummers continue to perform one day, the first day of the year, each and every year, (weather permitting).



No wonder my sleeping troubles persist and New Year's Day is like a day of visiting clowns with shrill screaming Patti La Belles jumping and stumbling about. Maybe I can get some porcupines to jam in my pants to make the day complete.

Perhaps I Should Make A Better Effort

I guess it's a bad sign when the dentist gives you 2 weeks to live.

I Wonder

Do you think Jesus had a good birthday?

Cookies From Strangers

Daring moments.

I don't know who made them. I don't know the circumstances of the gift. I don't know the conditions of the kitchen from whence they baked. I don't know the ingredients incorporated. I don't know what hour or day or week or month or year they were prepared. Although they look pretty and came in festive holiday wrap, they came without invite or notice, unannounced. The tin lid is secured to its can by ribbon only, no protective seal. Praise worthy or poison? Tampered with or touted? Great intentions or sickening inventions?

Here are the facts:
The cookies were given as a gift and they are sitting before me, available and alluring.

I have a new jug of frosty cold milk, unopened, pasteurized, fat on board, in the fridge. Bought it today.

My stomach has mentioned "grrrr" several times during these considerations and has a strong hold on me.

Mmmmm. I did it. Dangerously delicious.

Now I Understand

If there is no guitarron, there should be no performance.




Got mine on Tuesday. Happy times.

Laughed Myself Silly

I was simply very rushed on my way to work yesterday. Got up late, had to wait to get in the shower (only one shower in the house), scrambled around to dress quickly and hit the turnpike in record time. More than half way there, jammed in traffic and surrounded by fools with no driving skills, I began to wonder ... did I comb my hair before I left the house today?

Christmas Brings The Angry

Went to a friend's apartment today to drop off some photos and to fix some computer stuff. Nothing to do with Christmas.

One parking spot was left when I got there, so I parked in it. Crazy, huh? Nothing to do with Christmas.

I go in, spend a little time, fix a little of this and that, pet the kitties and off I go. Nothing to do with Christmas.

I get to my MINI-VAN and there is another car parked directly behind me preventing me from driving, on purpose, and I suspect with malice. Nothing to do with Christmas.

I go back and ask my friend if she recognized the car and it turns out to be her landlord's mom's car who lives next door. I knock on the door to ask if they could please move their car so I could leave. Nothing to do with Christmas.

The door eventually opens and a grandpa with keys in his hands peeks out, then steps out. I ask if that was his car, he said yes, I asked him if he could please move it. Nothing to do with Christmas.

He then starts with, "Why did you park there?" My response was, "It was the only open spot." Good so far. Then the finger point showed itself with a "Well, you could have parked right there." My finger works too so I also pointed to where he had pointed and said, "So then YOU could have parked there, but you chose to park behind me and block me in. Maybe you wanted to meet me and make some sort of point. Now that you have met me, what is the point you would like to convey? Does it have something to do with the mistake you're about to make since this lot does not have any signs specifying reserved parking or this spot is for grandpa or parking for residents only and so on?"

Here comes the Christmas part.

As he turned around mumbling to himself walking away from me to move his car I spoke again, "If this is how you choose to behave, you should at least consider removing your Christmas tie since it is a gross misrepresentation of your character."

I might have been a little sarcastic, but hey, Christmas is in the air. I guess I'll have to help my friend move soon. Poo.

Week of Wow

This past week has provided many a sight surreal and information peculiar.

I saw a tiny rat like dog wearing a fur collar. No shirt or coat, just the collar.

I was told that a friend sold his previously owned cow for $200.

I saw a huge, beautiful, majestic hawk standing on the side of the road eating a dead "runned over" skunk.

Evel Knievel died November 30th in a non-fiery death at age 69. No sharks or canyons were involved. He wore a cape.

A question was asked aloud at work; "Are Japanese the Italians of Asia (because of the vowel at the end of their names)"?

I ordered some self-sticking jewels for a craft project where the postage cost more than the items.

I have decided that my nights of little or no rest are resultant of a fear that my ears will get folded and torn off while I roll in my sleep.

Liberace rhymes with mariachi and hibachi. (Technically that has always been true - I just realized it this week.)

I sat in my own crapulence on two occasions for HOURS on the turnpike this week because of car crashes, AND I paid tolls to do so.

The fish in the aquarium on my screen saver are more realistic than the fish in the aquarium behind me.

I tried to jump in a dream to sit on a ledge and couldn't do it.

As you can see, I've had a very busy week.