Dee-Lish

I am told that when I was a wee lad, prior to walking or speaking, my current size was perhaps predetermined by my early interests.

Apparently left unattended for a moment at the kitchen table (my mother turned her head away while holding me), I reached out, procured and ingested a stick of butter. I do not recall the incident, being only a few months old, but I wish it could have been battered and deep fried with bacon wrapped around it dipped in a gentle sugary glaze with jimmies.

Do these pants make me look fat?