Perfect Timing

Here's a beautiful story! Thanksgiving was November 23rd, the day we chow down on turkey birds, and for those that don't like the bird, there is the ham. Very festive, traditional and tasty. Explain then why a company that sold products they suspect are tainted with Listeria - turkey and ham products - between September 5th and November 13th would announce the recall of these contaminated food products on November 24th, THE DAY AFTER MOST OF THESE PRODUCTS WOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN EATEN!!?!! HoneyBaked Foods, enjoy your own glazing and smoky flavor in hell.

Nov 24, 2006 9:33 pm US/Eastern

HoneyBaked Recalls Ham And Turkey Products
(AP) The HoneyBaked Foods company is recalling nearly 47-thousand pounds of its ham and turkey products, because they could be contaminated with Listeria.

Listeria is a microorganism that can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in children, the elderly or those with weakened immune systems. It can also cause miscarriages and stillbirths among pregnant women. For healthy adults, the symptoms are no picnic either. They include fevers, severe headaches, nausea and diarrhea.

The recalled products include six to eleven pound packages of "sliced and glazed fully cooked half ham” and 12 to 16 pound packages of whole ham. HoneyBaked is also recalling three pound packages of “sliced and glazed cooked boneless turkey breast” as well as the smoked version of the turkey.

The company has set up an 800-number for customer inquiries.

The glazed ham and turkey was produced between September fifth and November 13th. They were sold through the company's catalog, on the Internet and at HoneyBaked stores and kiosks in the Toledo, Ohio, region. The company has contacted catalog customers who purchased these products. For more information, call 800-461-3998.

私はウインナーを好む

Nevermind the fact that we have all heard of this guy and his amazing accomplishments as a competitor, athlete, humanitarian and entertainer. Forget about his flare for life and positive role modeling for our youth. Try to ignore his locks of spun mustard and happy gaze to all men. Takeru Kobayashi, who does your eyebrows?

I CHOOSE LIBERTY!

I am almost certain that Benjamin Franklin is a time traveler. He could still be wandering through our futures, visiting his past and smirking at us all in whatever present he chooses.

As my travels are limited to planes, trains, automobiles and feet, I brush up against TSA from time to time. Don't get me wrong, I understand that working as a mall security guard can be very demanding at times, so naturally those who can't take the pressure of knowing what store is where would seek careers as TSA agents. Why not? It is apparent that testing is not involved, interviews are probably conducted by mindless government insects, if at all, and it can be a wonderful stepping stone to success in the food service industry.

I hold TSA in extremely low regard and contempt because of numerous horrific experiences. Stolen and damaged equipment, thoughtless pursuit of uninvited groping, belligerent attitudes, enforcement of the ridiculous and proclaimed authority over me that comes from ???

Listen to Benny. "Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." Hey TSA, get outta my way, I denounce your treasonous ways. Now go get me a sammich, hold the spit and keep the mayo to yourself.

Dip and Twist and Press and Pull

There are not many things quite as satisfying as a good swabbing. Sure, it's rich in danger, pushing life to the edge, where one step too far results in serious and permanent damage, but the reward of indulging an itch, though momentary, is treasure galore. A pirate's shangri-la, a master's puerile act, a monkey's extra hand, all simple and good.

Autumnal Tort

I wonder how many people have walked by one of these guys thinking it was just a rock, if they noticed them at all. I wonder how many other things we pass by and never notice. Sometimes I find myself driving along so consumed by a thought or a song or a quest that I have no idea where I am or how I got there. I drive a lot too!

I guess the point I'm trying to make is see what you are looking at and take a good look around. Sure, tortoises in the fall are not as glamorous as a tiger jumping over your head wearing a sparkly beret delivering a pizza for lunch and Godiva chocolate cigars for the penguin parade, but the tortoise is quite amazing on its own. It's a pretty nice day. I'm going to have a look around.

Work

You don't have to be a millionaire to do nothing and you don't have to be broke to work hard.

Just in Time

I was considering bringing sexy back but it appears the mission has already been accomplished.

Captives

Went to the Philadelphia Zoo last Friday. Sadly some of the best looking animals there were not breathing.

Many of the animals were scrawny, emaciated, lethargic and put on display with little thought of the spectator. While I appreciate the opportunity to see animals I otherwise would not, this captivity stuff is not working out so good for them or me.

Pass the Dew, please

This is how I feel and sadly how I look today. Time for some "once had hair" care products and a gallon of Mt. Dew. At least I'm not stuck in Baton Rouge like this po' little fella.

Geeze, A Geezer

Can somebody help me understand? Why is it that most positions of governing authority and power are controlled by the senior sect? I am currently half-a-hundred and I can feel my mind slipping away. I shouldn't be in charge so please, stop asking.

When you reach geezer status, more often than not, I've witnessed the noggin in decline along with the bones and ability. I don't expect James Brown (age 73) to continue doing splits on stage. Adam West (age 78) should not be wearing tights. Eddie "Ted" Kennedy (age 74) should not give driving instructions or offer any thoughts on morality. I don't want Rumsfeld (age 74) to ever work again.

Hey old heads, please don't take offense at this, I love you dearly, your stories are pretty great the first 3 times, but when was the last time you displayed any original thoughts? If we continue with the ancient in leadership why would we expect them to come up with fresh new ideas to address modern day situations, such as global warming, alternative energy sources, a cure for aids, nuclear weapon control, a remedy to the poisoning of earth and ourselves and my ever stiffening joints?

New blood, new ideas, new energy, new life.

Something Wonderful

Who really wins when the votes are tallied? The party? The candidate? The voter? The people?

Will the apologies fly as fast as the mud? Will will ever see a time again when we are supportive of each other and genuinely rejoice in another's triumph? Will looking out for the public's best interests become paramount amongst our elected leaders or will they continue in self agendas and partisan judgment for the sake of their party? Will we hold our officials accountable for their actions on our nation's behalf and provide a voice of encouragement or will we look away and shake our heads in dismay and disillusion?

Today's elections could be the beginning of something wonderful. It really rests on OUR shoulders.

God Bless America

Who makes you prouder to be an American? Tell me who and why. I am still weighing my decision.

Colonel, I salute you!

I am not a wee man, never was, never will be, but the limits of my colossal being now seem to be governed by KFC's new mashed potato bowl. I run into the dilemma of one bowl not being enough to satisfy, while two bowls are a bit much to navigate comfortably. I can't waste the remainder of the second bowl so I am obligated by conscience to cram it in my gullet. I am always mindful to chew thoroughly no matter how much time and effort is required so as not to appear like a duck with their crazy no chew hurry up swallow routine.

Because I get these bowls without cheese I convince myself the harm that might be caused by this latest obsession will be minimized. I could also be depriving myself of the dairy nutrient. Oh, the confusions of the human machine.

I wish I could convey how difficult it is to write belly up in the bed while trying to recuperate and communicate at the same time. My laptop balancing is quite a feat!

I wonder what time the Colonel closes tonight?

Countdown

Only moments left if you must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.

If only it were true

Sorry to dwell on this, but I just can't get over the buffoonery and poor judgment displayed in the political arena. Every 14 seconds another slur hits the air, another accusation and misrepresentation is proclaimed. Insects treat each other with more respect and dignity. Especially the beetle.

These political geniuses and their crews fling the poo with a disturbing matter-of-factness and business-as-usual attitude. It's as if their source of pride and character is built on how bad the stink and how far the throw. Now if we could get the dung beetle to hang out with the donkeys and elephants, at least someone would benefit from these behaviors.

Mike, have your people call mine, let's do lunch.

Apology Not Accepted

Speeches are crafted. They are planned and deliberate. Once written they are subjected to an approval process where several "professionals" at various levels of authority will scrutinize, analyze and tailor each phrase and word to insure a precise and accurate portrayal of the intended message. Talking points are created and issued. These points are expected to be addressed at every turn. If a question, any question, is asked it is the responsibility of the speaker to respond with a talking point, whether appropriate or not. Every opportunity to speak is scripted.

When you achieve a position of national prominence it suggests you have acquired these skills and that you have the ability to deliver and perform respectively. You are representing vast wealth and power where error can be impairing, expensive and certainly intolerable. There should be no slips of the tongue or reason for excuses and apologies.

Inflammatory remarks used to be followed with a slap across the face and the challenge of a duel. Perhaps more care would be taken if consequences were immediately administered directly to the offender. How flippant and careless would you be with your words if you knew any offensive verbiage would result in a punch in the belly from an angry Mike Tyson? I propose Mr. Tyson, the once most feared man on the planet, be given the position of Minister of Correction. He should be given priority seating at every event where the speaker is within his punch's reach. Tyson will have to agree to only punch once, but to make it a memorable punch. It would be a delight to watch renowned, celebrated orators keep a careful eye on Mike while delivering very short and to the point messages with an air of good intentions, honorable content and a quick exit.

In the meantime Senator Kerry, apology not accepted. I hope Mike is on his way with a freebie for his country.

What?

People who have little to do are excessive talkers. This proverb should continue - and watch Tony Danza. How does this man have a show? Who thought it was a good idea? Who funded it? Who continues to fund it? Who gathered together to discuss the idea, form a crew and proceed to actually videotape and promote this as a product and was able to sell the idea to others?

I sit in front of my turned off television staring blankly into space, a little annoyed, a little frightened, feeling a little betrayed. When did my lifelong friend TV go bad?

Does excessive writing equate to excessive talking? Maybe I'll go take a nap.