Halloween Recommendations

I like Halloween as much as the next guy but I do have some limitations and advice.

The only use for candy corn is to fill in the gaps of your grill.

I don't want your so called "bite size" candy bars. You have no idea as to the size of my bite so stop assuming. It makes you look foolish.

Dressing up your dog is the same as taking it to the vet and having it's dangly bits snipped, unless it is a lady dog.

Clowns belong in nightmares and your weekly session at the shrink. Get them off the streets and away from my front door.

If you are a man and think it might be fun or clever to dress as a woman, reconsider. If your decision is to go with it anyway, please concede to a few suggestions. Don't dress with the idea you are going to look good, do the funny. Coconut bras are only alluring if in fact you have hairless breasts. Shaving your chest is a step too far but smooth legs will take you far. Finally, if you are going to speak, muster up your deepest bellow of a voice, save the high pitch squeals for when you are getting beat up.

My last tidbit makes good safety sense for everyday use throughout the entire year. If you ever encounter a man, woman, child or animal that has glowing eyes as in today's photo, KNOCK THEM OUT. Screaming is optional. Now go get some goodies!

I HAVE PROOF!

I have had my doubts in the past and many questions since then, but when I am convinced of something and have enrapturing proof, I have no qualms with shouting to the world. Fast actin' Tinactin! Look at him go!