Joy of the Season

Now I know I checked these stupid lights before and they worked inside. First things first. Hmmm. How many of these do I have together in a row? The box says no more than three in a chain. Does that include the first string or if I alternate connections does the count start over? I beefed up the fuse with some aluminum foil anyway so that shouldn't make a difference. Looks good. I didn't get anything wet. Maybe a bulb came loose while I was carrying the tree to its new spot, although these sets are supposed to work if a bulb blows. I wonder what's for dinner? Maybe if I were to plug something different into the recepticle just to make sure I have juice. Where did I put my George Foreman Grill? Nah, before I go through all of that effort, let me shake these lights one more time. Maybe if I stretch them, then shake them and stretch them out again. Well, they worked last year and I didn't do anything to them besides wrap them up and tie them together and throw them in the light container box on top of all of the other strings of light. What's this tape for? Ow! What in the world was that? Wait a moment, is that a bare ... OOOOWWWW ... no, that wire's OK. Stupid hooks. Let me see, one, two, three, there's an extension chord and one, two, oh this doesn't make any sense. Why do we put lights on a tree anyway? I guess it's back to jiggling each bulb. First a jiggle, then a push and a twist. That should do it. I can't believe I paid $4 for these lights 2 years ago and they're giving me trouble now. I only use them during the holidays. What's that squirrel looking at? Maybe I shouldn't have left them outside hooked up through the summer. But they weren't on. What time is it? If wonder if I can pack them up and take them back to the store and exchange them for ones that work? I don't have the receipt. Maybe if I buy some new ones, I can pack the old ones in the new boxes and return them with today's receipt for new sets and do that a couple of times until all of my strands are replaced. I could wait until later when everyone is asleep and trade lights with Glen next door. He'll never know the difference. I'll have to work fast and in the dark. If his dog starts barking I'll get busted so I should take a hand full of wieners with me just in case. What do they say about troubleshooting? Start with the fuel, then the spark, then the mechanical. Just like the ankle bone's connected to the shin bone, on and on. I can't believe it. There's the plug. Son of a ... ZZZZZZZZZAPPP.